Paki Kēhua

Pona, Hemi Pona.

Episode 42 - Pona... Hemi Pona (Based on a True Story)  
I'm sending this message encrypted in case it's being monitored. The encryption is so complex that it will appear as a normal message. I knew a koroua who thought he was a spy, code name 0013. The whole shebang. He said he was recruited straight out of the bush, a tough and clever Māori kid with no family ties, making him a perfect candidate for the CIA's black ops program. Our response was just "Oh, that's nice, koro." But then one day, he died, and what followed was subtle, designed to go unnoticed. However, being the observant and sharp-eyed individual that I am, or as some might call me, nosy, there were several alarm bells ringing that all was not as it seemed. Let's just say that moments after his death, a high-ranking military officer made contact. And the person who took the message couldn't recall taking the phone call. Tapped wires? Mind wipe? You be the judge. This story will self-destruct in 13 minutes.
T.A. Whero

The 3 Strike Back (Part Two)

Episode 41 - The Three Strike Back, Part Two (Retelling of an Old Story) 
The race against time is on. Literally! With the fate of the world in the balance and the destiny of all humanity resting on three haututu Māori boys and an irritating little brother, what could possibly go wrong? Well, let's take a quick look at the Three's chances... The Three's plan hinges on the hope that a mythological being, whom no one has ever seen, will show up to help within a tiny window of about 3 seconds. After that, they must somehow challenge the Sun, Tamanuiterā, in open combat, much like Māui did — but without the demigod powers that Māui has. Oh, and they lack the mighty brothers and the magic ropes that Māui had... However, they do have the magic jawbone from Murirangawhenua, though it has a habit of turning into false teeth at the most inopportune moments. The only thing they seem to have in their favour is their makeshift plans held together with bandaids and chewing gum that have miraculously worked so far. Brace yourselves for the Three's final showdown in the very last story of the series. Oops. 
T.A. Whero 

The 3 Strike Back (Part One)

Episode 40 - The Three Strike Back, Part One (Retelling of an Old Story) 
The boys are still patting down the flames after their last encounter with Mahuika. They, like Māui, were able to entomb her into a Kaikomako tree for all eternity. The boys are counting their lucky stars, having barely made it out alive, when a new threat arrives on the scene: an upset husband named Tamanuiterā! Yes, the very sun in the sky! While Mahuika might have been content with burning the boys to a crisp, the plans of Tamanuiterā are bigger... much bigger. It seems the boys are mirroring the deeds of Māui. The fate of the entire world was at stake in Māui’s battle with Tamanuiterā, and now it could be in the hands of the boys. But fear not. The boys have survived The Ririo, Mahuika, and her 10 children of flame. What’s one more super-being? I’m sure the boys will be just fine. Now, I don’t want to spoil the ending, but FYI: this is the very last story in the series about the three. Oops. 
T.A. Whero 

The Return of the 3 (Part Two)

Episode 39 - The Return of the Three, Part Two (Retelling of an Old Story) 
So, it was Mahuika! 
See, I told you that I told you. Anyway, the boys are still alive, albeit a little crispier. How long can they keep this up? Their blend of luck and Māori boy ingenuity has worked against the fingers of flame, who are really just kids like themselves, but they’re not out of the woods yet... literally! If they do somehow manage to get past the rest of the flame children, they know that they will eventually have to deal with the māmā; Mahuika herself. And believe you me, every Māori boy knows what happens if you’re dumb enough to try and stand up to your māmā – let alone a māmā with godly powers! I feel a song coming on… "It's getting hot in here… so dial 111." I'm not sure if those are the lyrics, but cross your fingers for the boys and their fiery conclusion! 
T.A Whero   

The Return of the 3 (Part 1)

Episode 38 - The Return of the Three, Part One (Retelling of an Old Story) 
“The Three” are a bunch of likeable non-bullies who are hot off the back of out-playing the Ririo, “the King of the Elves”, thanks to a scary old kuia, a bunch of stones and a bag of chips. Long story.  Now, a strange mushroom cloud of smoke has appeared from within the heart of the dark forest, not too far from their school. While most would run in the opposite direction, “the fearless three” (or as Hemi, the leader of the gang’s irritating little brother might say “the clueless three”), head towards the smoke cloud.  Little do the boys know, they are jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. The burning question (and it's hard to put a finger on it) is: who is the old flame smouldering at the heart of the mushroom cloud waiting to set their world on fire? FYI, I just told you who.  
T.A. Whero 

Picture, Picture on the Wall

Episode 37 - Picture Picture on the Wall (Based on a True Story) 
I knew a girl who was bad news. It turned out she was possessed by a malevolent spirit, but she was also bad news. She was a special kind of nasty and was totally head over heels in love... with herself. She had the whole Snow White's Evil Stepmother thing going on, right down to the mirror... well, in her case, a picture, lots of pictures. She was a real narcissistic piece-of-work, and the pictures were the source of her power. I always thought there was something strange going on with this one picture in particular. I thought it was just me, and then one day, like in that horror movie... it smiled at me. 
T.A. Whero

The Return of Hape

Episode 36 - The Return of Hape (Retelling of an Old Story) 
Our world is replete with famous duels of tohunga. The Hokianga Whakapau Karakia is one such encounter. Here in Tūwharetoa, it's the race up Tongariro Mountain between Ngātoroirangi, the tohunga of the Te Arawa waka, and Hapekitūārangi. The race was more of a battle as both used their powers to defeat each other, but it was Ngātoroirangi who vanquished his opponent by freezing Hape in snow and ice. For Hape, it was assumed that he died, the story ends, and there is no further mention of him anywhere. This story imagines what might happen if Hape didn't die." 
T.A. Whero

Funkihi Town

Episode 35 - Funkihi Town (Based on a True Story) 
Why or when does an Atua choose to show up, ā-tinana? Through karakia...  perhaps? Or maybe after the death of a noble? You'll know if an Atua is nearby. We often see their presence, especially at tangi, but don't realize it. You might see a greenstone patu run red, or te huingā manu arā manu gathered in unusual groups on a lake. I've seen it all. Sometimes Atua will come a little closer, but so as not to scare the living daylights out of you, they will move stealthily under the cover of fog. Here in Tūwharetoa, it's called Te Huringā Taniwhā. In days gone by, if you were really fortunate, one of the gods might show up at a pakanga, drawn to the bloodlust of a warrior in full rage mode, or like in our story, a warrior in mid-battle... on the dance floor. 
T.A. Whero

Mauri

Episode 34 – Mauri (Based on a True Story) 
When a Wharenui is built, someone dies and becomes the Mauri for the whare. This is the old way of our people. Our family has always wanted to build a Wharenui, but they hesitate because of this and the randomness of who is chosen, so to speak. Sometimes our tipuna would avoid losing one of their own by choosing the person or people (often called a sacrifice) who would become the Mauri. I know of a whare, an old whare here in Tūwharetoa, where four slaves were given as the Mauri for the whare. One was buried alive underneath each corner of the whare. The question of Mauri and how it works, how it passes from a person to a whare, is often shrouded in mystery, and most either are afraid to ask or don't even care how it works. I care. This story is the beginning of the answer. 
 T.A. Whero

The Caveman

Episode 33 - The Caveman (Based on a True Story) 
Caves are the ancient burial sites of our people and should be treated in exactly the same way as an Urupā. Because we have Western practices and are so used to burying our dead in the ground, most of us have forgotten the old practices of hiding bones in caves and among the rocks. The kupu of the old ways still remains... tūpāpaku. We use this for the "body" nowadays, but it really means to sit up in the smallest of ways, i.e., the fetal position, and this is how our people were positioned when they died. So, what happens if you walk into a cave and find a waka huia full of bones or a skeleton buried in the old fetal position? You moonwalk the heck out of there. Bones don't take kindly to being disturbed. This story is about a group of kūare tourists who find out what happens when you tutū with the dead. 
T.A. Whero